To The Girl: An Open Letter

In this moment of my life, past the days of college and in the days of adult life, I am aware now more than ever of the girl I was. The struggles I endured. The restraints I broke. The expectations I surpassed. Everything that developed me into the woman I am today—both good and bad.

Day in and out, I see girls who were once me facing insurmountable difficulties. My heart aches for them to escape these dark, lonely, all-consuming cells. To feel even a tinge of happiness, without wearing an artificial smile on their emotionally-battered faces. I want to be you for the sake of freeing you. But I know I can’t.

So, this is an open letter to you, my sweet, deserving friends. To the girls I love who are struggling, and to the girls I haven’t met and wish I could. This one is to the girl.

To the girl who struggles with her worth: I know it is so damn hard to be there. When your efforts aren’t recognized, when your purpose feels nonexistent, and when all you do is try for what seems like nothing, understand that you are here for a reason. It’s a reason that no one else could ever share, no matter how hard they try. Why? Because it’s yours. Hold on for now. Trust me, your worth will show itself in time. And when it does, you’ll be thankful for these dark moments.

To the girl who isn’t comfortable in her skin: understand that everyone else feels that way. Try as it may, society will never define what perfect is. A standard of beauty one day, is quickly trashed and packaged as ugly the next. What is fat to someone, is skinny to another. Every curly-haired girl wishes at some point that she was more like her straight-haired friend, not knowing that inside, her friend is wishing her hair would hold a wave for more than 5 seconds. This was something I struggled with deeply, and still do. My anorexia dragon will creep its scaly head in the most innocent of circumstances, hissing words of hate and judgment. But I fight it, knowing that expectations aren’t worth losing my confidence, beauty, period (literally), and goals. And it’s not worth it to you, either.

To the girl drowning in stress and anxiety: been there, still there, will always be there. What you are feeling right now isn’t an overreaction, no matter the source. It is OK to look at piles of homework and stacked deadlines with dread. It is normal to become nervous and anxious about your uncertain future, an upcoming exam, job applications, scholarships, and sport tryouts. But the difference lies in how you handle these feelings when they arise. You can choose to dwell on them and squash any chances of facing the hurdles giving you anxiety, or, you can leap over those hurdles, knowing that greater rewards lie beyond them. I took this perspective, and because of it, I am where I am today. Do I still face uncertainty? Of course. But I look past it, knowing it is only a lingering feeling along the path of success.

To the girl who feels lonely: the truth is, you aren’t. There is always at least one person out there who cares for you and doesn’t want you to feel this way. I’ve often struggled with this, thinking that my loneliness in one situation translated to loneliness in every situation. That just because I wasn’t invited to one event, or looped into one conversation, those people wanted nothing to do with me. To the girls who feel this way, I urge you to step and ask yourself: is what I’m feeling true loneliness, or just temporary hurt? Was this exclusion intentional, or just an accident of the moment? I think you’ll quickly discover that these fleeting moments are just that - fleeting. They will pass, and you will see that you aren’t lonely. In fact, you’re pretty damn loved.

To the girl who wants to end it all: you really, really, really don’t. Your life is precious beyond measure. It is unique, significant, beautiful, and worth fighting for. I know it seems like every door is shut, and every eye is blind to your suffering, but all it takes to change that is one, small admission: I can’t do this alone. Find someone you can talk to (and no, I don’t necessarily mean a therapist or an adult). Seek out a friend or family member who you know will listen. You can even reach out to me, no matter who you are. And if that fails to help, know there are professionals who can lead you along the path to healing—whatever it takes. There is more courage in living through our struggles, than dying because of them.

To the girl who has, is, or will, feel these ways, I know you’ll make it through. Because I’ve been that girl, too.

---

My Thanksgiving Top Six!

It’s been a year, y’all.

2018 began with the realization that I would be leaving my safe, college haven for the real world in a few short months. It continued with job changes, new faces, and some unforgettable memories sprinkled in between. Time went fast—so much that I forgot to stop and reflect on the blessings God brought me in each new day. So thank you, 2018. As you come and go, here are the top SIX things I am thankful for you bringing me:

1) Opportunity

With every closed door, God always came through with a new entrance. I was convinced that I would be jobless (for abouttt a week). Then, through the help of some amazing friends, I secured an internship at the Burnett Honors College that is currently one of my favorite places I’ve ever been. All the creativity. All the fun. All the support. It is like none other I’ve experienced before (s/o to the best work mom, Meredith!).

2018 also brought me opportunity through joining Quotes, the PR Club at UCF; interning with Townie Tourist; and through continuing to grow as a Social Media Content Creator for Next Level Social Media. I cannot WAIT to see where these lead me in 2019 (aka graduation).

2) National Champs

As many of you know, the UCF football team has played a remarkable season since their Peach Bowl win last January. Talk about starting 2018 on the right foot(ball)! Yet the experience of winning has shown me that the true national champs are those who sit beside me in the packed stadium: my friends. Thank you all for supporting me through sleepless nights, stress attacks, coffee dates, shopping trips, and all to come. You know who you are <3

3) Travel

Last December, my first trip to New York City sparked an interest in exploring more of this beautiful world. Since then I’ve taken a week-long cruise on Royal Caribbean’s Allure of the Seas, traveled to Texas for a retreat, seen the local gems of Central Florida that aren’t theme parks, and next month get to end my 2018 in New York City once again. If at all possible, travel. Take a day, a weekend, or a few weeks—just go and explore this amazing world. You won’t regret it.

4) Teej

2018 brought us three years of being together, and the first year being apart (physically, of course). It makes my heart happy to see you thriving in this new stage of adult life, enjoying every moment as you did in college. Here’s to another year of adventure, changes, and doing life together. I love ya, chief!

5) Health

PS, this troll photo was picked because it’s a family tradition of ours to take a troll photo in Epcot. Also I enjoy it. It’s funny that I should mention health on the unhealthiest day of the year, but it is something I am continuously thankful for. My life has been constant ups and downs for health, but it has never been anything more serious than numbers on a scale. This past summer I indulged a weeeeeee too much on camp food, so my current goal as 2018 ends is to get back on track. However, I have supportive family, friends, and resources to do just that.

Starting tomorrow, of course.

6) Creativity

At the start of 2018, my creative abilities were limited to writing the words on this page. I set out to change that. With the help of some creative mentors (Matt, Jonathan, Brandon, Teej, Jenny, to name a few) I’ve expanded my skill set to photography, graphic design, videography, and motion graphics. The only limit to learning is what your mind decides to do. If you push yourself, practice every day, and never settle, anything can happen. Believe it!

So, here’s to 2018.

The good.

The bad.

And every beautiful thing in between.

You’ve been good to me. Thanks fam.

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post! Remember to hit the "subscribe" button and never miss another #BeyondWords blog again.

Check back each week for a new blog on social media tips, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

CONNECT WITH ME: 

Instagram: @maddiekjosa

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

Snapchat: @Heyitsmaddie97

CONTACT ME!

~This is My Story~ 

10 Tips for Landing Your Dream Job!

Three years ago, I was convinced that the only recipes for career success were to be talented and have my name with some jobs, bullet points, and Times New Roman font on a sheet of paper.

Oh was I wrong.

Leading into my final semester of college, it is apparent now more than ever that getting a job is reliant on so many things. I dare say that talents matter less than knowing how to share them with others. Networking, as we all know it. Meeting other professionals, building lasting relationships, showing them your contributions to a particular field while also learning from theirs. So whether you’re just entering college, or in the midst of a career change, here are some of my best tips for landing your dream job:

1. Create a LinkedIn account and make meaningful connections. Use this invaluable platform to look for jobs in your area, share industry relevant news, and promote your content/accomplishments.

2. Have a #flawless resume and cover letter. Your resume shares experience, and your cover letter acts as a personal statement of why you want a specific job. If you’re unsure of how to start either, visit UCF Career Services for 1:1 assistance.

3. Print business cards and have them on you at all times. You never know when the opportunity to network will arise, and so it’s key to be ready to sell yourself when the time comes. For instance, let’s say you meet someone in line at Starbucks. Giving them your business card is a tangible way to be remembered.

4. Always send a thank-you note after an interview. Gratitude is the best way to show a good attitude. Technology makes this even easier to accomplish by allowing you to send one via your phone minutes after leaving the interview location. However, handwritten thank you notes are even better. They show that you cared enough to write and mail a tangible note of thanks, which comes as a welcome shock to people stuck in the digital realm.

5. Create and practice your elevator speech. This is a short (1 minute or less) speech that describes you, what you’re looking for, and the benefit you have to a company. Think of what you would say to a potential employer if you had the length of an elevator ride. These are especially valuable at career fairs, where you are one of hundreds that a company may talk to. What makes you different?

6. Practice common interview questions. “Tell me about yourself.” “What are your weaknesses?” “Why do you want to work for us?” “What is your long term career goal?” “Do you have any questions for us?” These are just a few of the questions I am asked in every job interview. Knowing that I’ll probably be asked these, I use free time to write them down and practice answers. It is impossible to predict everything that will be asked, but practicing what might be ensures that you won’t gape awkwardly and fumble in responses. You should also prepare questions to ask them. This shows interest in learning more about the position. You can even ask what their ideal candidate is and respond by connecting the response to who you already are.

7. Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I am all for living in leggings and t-shirts. This is my natural state about 90% of the time, actually. But in that other 10%—the one where I am going to work and interviews—my wardrobe looks very different. Dressing nice also doesn’t mean dressing expensive. Some of my favorite places to get cheap professional clothing are Target, Ross, TJ Maxx, and Style Encore. I also look on Pinterest for outfit ideas (since my fashion skills are severeeeeeely lacking).

8. Practice professional personal social media. This can mean a lot of things, but in the most basic sense refers to watching what you post. It probably shouldn’t be posted if you have even the slightest inclination that it may come back to bite you later. Past mere caution, you can also utilize personal social media to create a brand. This is something that identifies you and what you stand for, and can be shown through content decisions, colors, fonts, and more.

9. Take advantage of professional growth opportunities within your major. At UCF, many of the major departments have student professional societies, mentoring programs, career fairs, internship/job boards, and more to prepare you for a career. Find these opportunities by making an appointment with your major advisor, UCF Career Services, searching online, or asking a classmate.

10. Be genuine. In an environment where everyone is trying to be the best, it is so quickly forgotten that the best kind of success is found through being YOU—not them. As you grow in college, make every effort to share your story and your passion. Embrace what makes you special in an interview, even if you feel under-qualified for that position. Sometimes it’s your weaknesses that make you the best fit.

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!

Check back each week for a new blog on faith, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

JOIN ME: 

Instagram: @maddiekjosa

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

CONTACT ME!

~Beyond Words~

Does Work Really Come First?

This is a question that's boggled my mind for years. And in a society like ours, the answer of whether work comes first or not seems to be yes. Most of us choose time sheets over quality time; meetings over family meet-ups; coffee over a deep sleep beside our significant other.

As a Christian, I try to frame work as an extension of God's ministry. He has equipped each of us with talents that nobody else has. While our careera may overlap, the exact gift we bring to them is unique.

Looking at work this way helps me realize that there is so much more to life than the 9-5 grind we are raised to strive for. Yet seeing that truth is hard, especially in the hyper-competitive world of college and career planning. Praying over it this past week, I came to this conclusion:

| When the office closes, remember who you come home to and what you surround yourself with. THOSE are the things that truly matter |

When you are stuck in miles of bumper-to-bumper traffic, think about the destination. Identify who you are coming home to.

Whether it be your spouse, children, parents, roommates, furry friend; these are the individuals that matter. They will be there for you when your boss lets you go or when your coworkers frustrate you to no end. They matter because God himself put them in your life to be a blessing:

| "(v.9) Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: (v.10) If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. " -Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10 |

But what if you live alone?

Understand that what you surround yourself with also matters. It could be your circle of friends who has weekly coffee dates. It could be your side hustle of blogging, crafting, cooking, or movie critiquing. Whatever it is; surround yourself with something outside of work.

I can personally say that lacking one or both of these things is cause for going insane. You have nobody to vent to, and no outlet to pour your desires, stresses, and mistakes into.

For all it is meant to do, work is not created to satisfy us. It is how we serve our society. But you also need a way to serve yourself, whether it be through the companionship of others or chasing your unique and amazing dreams.

So to anyone who asks, I firmly believe that work doesn't come first in my life. It is a means to an end, but it will never be the end of my meaning.

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post! Remember to hit the "subscribe" button and never miss another #BeyondWords blog again.

Check back each week for a new blog on social media tips, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

CONNECT WITH ME: 

Instagram: @maddiekjosa

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

Snapchat: @Heyitsmaddie97

CONTACT ME!

~This is My Story~

My Week in Tallapoosa, Georgia!

There's something thrilling about not knowing where you'll sleep each week. Waiting in anticipation for Friday night, where the answer finally comes, only to leave two days later. 

Out of all eight weeks, this past one was definitely my favorite.

In the Sunday morning darkness, a handful of Luther Springs staff and I loaded the van for Tallapoosa, Georgia to work at Lutheranch, our sister camp and the newest of the four NovusWay sites. The travel excitement grew inside my body, making sleep impossible (or maybe that was just the lumpy van seats).

Eight hours later, our van rolled across bumpy gravel and past soaring trees to the Lutheranch Retreat Center.

First reaction: This place was beautiful. Wood floors and paneling. Granite countertops. Vaulted ceilings and giant windows. It screamed opulence in the wilderness, not summer camp.

All of the campers and counselors stayed in hotel-style rooms inside the center, each equipped with bunk beds, carpeted floors, private bathrooms and showers, and beautiful wooden doors to fit the center's rustic, woodsy theme. 

Sunday passed, and with it camp came. Each day began at 8:30 am with breakfast cooked by our amazing kitchen staff. Meals included hearty strips of bacon, buttery biscuits, fresh fruit plates, grits, thick and fluffy pancakes, and of course, piping hot coffee!

After breakfast, the campers trekked over to the outdoor chapel for morning word. The walk there included gravel paths, grass fields, and my favorite part: a Narnia-esque trail surrounded by trees and rolling hills.

Going alone one morning, I found an unexpected surprise. Nestled among the trees were hand-painted prayer rocks. It made me wonder how many visitors had passed over these same rocks, too consumed in their own thoughts to notice the beauty beneath their feet.

When unoccupied, the outdoor chapel was my favorite spot to relax and reconnect with God. The giant cross and lakeside view gave me peace, and moreover an appreciation for God's creation that I could never feel in the suburbia of Orlando. 

After morning word, the kiddos did a changing lineup of camp activities. One of my favorites to watch and photograph was swimming/canoeing at the lake.

It was during this time that I truly saw the personality of each camper. Some jumped right in, eager to swim and have fun. Others were wary of the floating algae and imaginary lake sharks. Yet all were eventually able to let loose and just be kids, which is what camp is truly meant for! I also got some SWEET cannonball pics :) 

After activities, we scarfed down delicious lunch and relaxed for an hour to let the food digest in our tummies. Once rested, the campers took a hayless hayride through the woods to Trinity House. Here are some of my photos from the ride up:

Owned by the camp, Trinity House was the original place for campers to stay prior to the retreat center. It was used by us each day for bible study and CRAFTS, which was my second favorite time to photograph.

Each day's craft was themed to fit the word of that day (i.e. perspective, community, identity, purpose, and hearts), allowing campers to remember the bible study in a visual manner. Crafts included cross necklaces, clay bowls, heart mason jars, and melty beads. I might've overdosed on creating versions of the latter... 

One of the things I miss most about Lutheranch is the wildlife found there. Frogs. Dragonflies. Deer. Fireflies. You couldn’t walk somewhere without encountering raw nature, or it encountering you...

Which brings me to the story of Bear. It was Tuesday morning, and I, in my sleepy haze, was jolted awake when someone shouted that a bear was outside the retreat entrance. With camera in hand, I went to see this bear. Here’s what I actually saw: 

This is Bear (pronounced Bee-Air). She was a stray Great Pyrenees, fluffy and content roaming the camp. Bear also loved people. All week, she would randomly make an appearance around camp. At Morning Word, group interaction course, craft time; you name it, she was probs there. 

But Bear wasn’t the only camp furry friend I found. There was also a barn cat who lived with her kittens near Trinity House, and found daily relaxation on the house steps. 

She was super skittish if you tried to pet her, but would still try to rub against your legs and purr. I could never quite figure out if she liked me, or just used me as a scratching post... 

I LOVED meeting these fluffy friends and seeing their personalities each day. Yet, one aspect of camp takes the cake as my favorite (literally).

The DESSERTS.

We all know that I am a casual foodie (or person who just REALLY REALLY enjoys unhealthy things), so obviously the sweets would be my favorite, Here were my top two of the week: 

Introducing ice cream in a BAG! It might look... weird, but trust me on the deliciousness of this treat. Each camper was given a paper bag filled with ice and the heavy cream ziploc mixture. After A LOT of shaking that vv hurt my wimp arms, I took the ziploc out to find homemade ice cream! We finished it off by adding our own toppings and eating right out of the bag. 

My second favorite dessert was also a camp sweets essential: s’mores 😍 Not only was it delicious, but it also yielded some sweet bokeh pics:

We left the day after these s'mores photos were taken. Driving down the winding road of camp on that sunny Friday afternoon, I felt pangs of sadness start to form in my stomach. 

What if I never get to see Lutheranch again?

The sprawling trees and Bear will be a mere memory to me. The kind kitchen staff, rustic lodge, cool Georgia breezes, and the twinkling of starlight and fireflies across a glassy lake surface will wither to crude sketches. But even as the details fade, the impact this week had on my life will remain.

For in my heart, a small part will belong to Tallapoosa, Georgia. Always.

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!

Check back each week for a new blog on faith, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

JOIN ME: 

Instagram: @maddiekjosa

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

CONTACT ME!

~Beyond Words~

7 Things You Didn't Know About Me...

You might be wondering: why? Like what has spurred this girl to randomly talk about herself?  

The funny answer is that I’m bored in the forest and crave contact that’s not mosquitos or frogs. The true answer is that I’ve been down on myself recently for hiding who I really am, and so in true Maddie-fashion, I decided to rectify this issue by being honest with all of you. 

Here goes nothing: 

 #1 I can’t stand feeling inadequate.  

Because I like to believe that I’m superwoman. And when life kicks me in the butt and takes my cape, I realize that I’m not. None of us are. Living up to unrealistic standards only leaves me sad, not successful. True power comes from being boss at your own thing and not someone else’s. 

#2 Orlando will always be my home  

It’s been my city forever (minus that one time I was born in Fairfax, VA). This is the place where my parents met and went to school (hint: CHARGE ON), where my brother was born, where I’ve spent countless Not-White Christmases, and now where I go to college. I choose Orlando because of its thriving, diverse heartbeat. No matter what, it will always be my home.

#3 I SUCK at remembering birthdays  

Or anniversaries. Or meetings. Or basically anything with a date that I need to remember. To anyone who’s been a victim of this painful truth, I am so so so so sorry. You have every right to berate me, honestly. Life without my agenda, Facebook and Apple Calendar would vv sad. Let’s just say that.  

 #4 I also suck at loving myself

High school was when the self-hate hit me hard. Looking at the bodies and personalities of my female classmates caused me to compare and doubt my worth. As many of you already know, this dangerous cycle led me to anorexia. It took months of tears, gripping conversations, and therapy before I mostly recovered. I say mostly because this is something I still struggle with; the idea of self-love. What helps me get through my down moments is my amazing Savior, who reminds me that there is beauty in the brokenness of my body. Always. 

#5 Pizza is my life food 

Switching from eating disorders to eating food? Most definitely! Pizza is something I could talk about (and eat) all day. Here’s why: it’s because of my unhealthy consumption of pizza that I overcome my anorexia. Sadly I can’t eat it that much anymore since I’m not, ya know, 99 pounds, but the memories remain. Pizza also has a special place in my ❤️ because it’s a food my boyfriend, TJ and I both L O V E. About 90% of our dates involved eating pizza, and when he’s not around next year, I can eat it and feel like he’s there, letting me eat his leftover crust pieces. 

#6 My life isn’t actually purple  

If you follow me on Insta, you’ll understand why I said this. My entire grid theme highlights the color purple and makes my life look all glamorous, as do filters on anyone else’s account. But honey, that just ain’t real! I use filters because my grid is a visual resume for potential employers. It’s not meant to paint an unrealistic picture of my life. Your Instagram shouldn’t, either. Be honest. Be true. Be you!!

#7 I wear contacts because I was bullied  

Four-eyed freak: the phrase that haunted me year after year as a child. I grew up with glasses and my classmates knew it. Coupled with puberty pudginess and acne, my glasses were the only thing needed to label me as a nerd. Loser. Weirdo. 

I end with this truth because it hurt so. dang. much. It was a label that followed me up to high school. It was why I never went on dates and became so obsessed with how I looked and what others thought of me. The sad part is, I doubt any kid who called me that understood the lasting consequences of their actions. Getting contacts could never let me see past what I was labeled. 

So for any person who feels the same as I did—you are not alone. You are worth more than the label given to you because there is only one that matters: Child of God. 

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!

Check back each week for a new blog on faith, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

JOIN ME: 

Instagram: @maddiekjosa

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

CONTACT ME!

~Beyond Words~

5 Ways That Student Involvement Changed My Life

Tomorrow. On May 17th, 2018 at 5 p.m., I will swipe out for the last time as an employee of the UCF Office of Student Involvement. And honestly?

I will miss this place more than anything. 

Because of OSI, I found a home among the thousands of students at UCF. I found a place where I could embrace my individuality and grow my creativity. I found a safe haven from the stresses of academic life.

But more than anything, I found a family. 

People who never stopped believing in me and my UCF-BIG dreams. People who encouraged me to test myself when I doubted my ability to succeed. People who truly loved me.

I leave OSI forever impacted by my experience serving there. And for the Knights who will fill the positions I held, I leave with them a legacy to grow even more in the new year.

To any student who isn't involved, I challenge you to change that this year. UCF offers endless ways to get involved for every type of student. You just have to make the effort to find those opportunities, just like I did after hearing three words at freshman orientation: 

Involvement changes everything. 

Simple, but so, so accurate. As a student who came to campus feeling lost and alone, I needed these words to kick-start my UCF journey. Paying attention to them literally changed my life, including:

1. It helped me find my dream career: Which is essentially why any lost freshman gets involved. Very few of us come to college with a clear (or accurate) idea of what we want to do four years later. Because of OSI, and more specifically the OSI Street Team, I got my first taste at marketing and social media. I was hooked. Without that small volunteer position, I would probably still be struggling to like the medical field. And hating my life. And this blog probably wouldn't exist *yikes*
2. I deepened my relationship and made new, everlasting ones: I met my boyfriend of three years, TJ, the second day of college in Psychology class. And later, I was blessed to work alongside him in OSI Creative Services in my first of three roles as a Street Teamer. We worked at events, ate lunch, and played office pranks on each other each week. But aside from TJ, working at OSI gave me a network of authentic, loving people who all loved UCF and being involved as much as I did. I am forever grateful for the support they've shown me these past three years.
3.  I got my first taste of networking (and why it matters): Which happened the day of Spirit Splash 2016, when I met Jenny DeWitt, who was then the Social Media Manager for UCF. After talking for a while, she invited me to attend the monthly UCF Social Media Manager's meetings. I met amazing and talented creators like me in that group, who led me to connecting with creatives at Universal Orlando, FPRA, Orlando Shakespeare Theatre, Think Creative, and more. This is networking. Meeting people, who know people, and meeting those people, and building a community who loves and supports you no matter what.
4. I was able to help my fellow Knights find a home at UCF: This comes from being part of the everyday culture of OSI. You constantly see events being planned and executed, people making them happen, and resources being created and bettered. Having this knowledge allowed me to connect other Knights to campus resources and define their own journeys. In fact, I made this very idea the mission of OSI's social media: helping Knights create their own unique involvement journeys.
5. I found a respite from college stress and academia: Because when you're throwing ducks into a pit of students, everything else seems to melt away. The moment I stepped into OSI, I felt the stress of college and life slide off my shoulders. In OSI, I found peace. In OSI, I found escape. In OSI, I found fun. A life without involvement gives students no way to escape the stresses of academic life. College seems less valuable when it is only classes and homework. Involvement makes the money you spend seem valuable; almost like buying tickets for a concert. It is all worth it for the memories and exhilarating high that involvement brings. This is what OSI did for me, and because of having an escape, I enjoyed my classes more in the long-run.  

To end, I'll say this: My involvement story is one of thousands. It is insignificant alone. But combined, every student whose life has changed because of their involvement speaks volumes about why it matters. It changes everything.

So this summer, or even this fall, I challenge every Knight to get involved. Join a club. Attend a campus event. Schedule a KnightQuest consultation. Just do something. 

You won't regret it: trust me.

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!

Check back each week for a new blog on social media tips, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

JOIN ME: 

Instagram: @maddielill

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

Snapchat: @Heyitsmaddie97

CONTACT ME!

~Beyond Words~

A Note to my Special Grad

To my Teej:

I am SO unbelievably proud of you for reaching this point. As I sit here writing this, I would be lying if I said that this week didn't bring me buckets of tears. I knew it was coming in the back of my mind. As months turned to weeks and week to days, I still tried to push aside the reality of you graduating. But it's here. And as you walk across that stage at 9 a.m. on Friday morning, I want you to remember something: I love YOU.

This seems obvious, but I want to make sure you remember that. So many people asked me what would happen to us after you graduate and I enter my final year at UCF, and my answer was always the same: nothing. Because if there's anything I've learned from our years together, it's that love ties an unyielding bond between two people. 

When you travel to film amazing people and places, that bond stays.

When we are apart for days, weeks, or even months, that bond stays.

As you start this new chapter of life, that bond stays. 

From our first photo in my Libra dorm room,

to our first date visiting the Orlando Eye,

to our first and second times working Spirit Splash,

to our days spent playing in the theme parks,

that bond between our hearts has always been so strong, so real, and I have faith that God has a future in store for us. So I go forward celebrating you, and every AMAZING accomplishment these four years has brought. 

You inspire me.

You frustrate me.

You guide me.

You confuse me.

You surprise me.

You teach me.

You care for me.

But most of all, you LOVE me. Our relationship is something I never expected from that boy I sat next to my second day of college, but it has been the greatest joy of my life.

Congrats, my special grad. You always have my heart <3  

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!

Check back each week for a new blog on social media tips, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

JOIN ME: 

Instagram: @maddielill

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

Snapchat: @Heyitsmaddie97

CONTACT ME!

~Beyond Words~

Be a Healthy Knight During Finals!

Can you believe it? Finals Week is ALREADY HERE!

This is the time for every UCF student where nights of studying late, attending lectures, collaborating on group projects, and checking Webcourses 24/7 finally pays off. However, Finals Week is also where students tend to make not the best health decisions. This is where I come in!

As I enter my fourth year, one fact about UCF is clear: this school cares for it's students. There are countless resources available to students during Finals Week to keep us healthy and happy (did someone say relaxation chair?!). Keep reading to see some of these resources, and my own personal tips for being a Healthy Knight during finals!

Don't Drink Coffee

Guys. I honestly feel this struggle so much. When hours of staring at notes loom ahead, all I want to do is run to the on-campus Dunkin' Donuts and order a large iced latte with extra espresso. But this is so not good for you! Coffee causes us to crash. Fast. And hard. Instead of risking a mid-exam energy dive, drink water instead! This is a liquid that your body and mind actually need. Trust me, your grade (and wallet) will thank you later. 

Do Drink a Smoothie!

If you're going to spend money on a drink, pick a smoothie over your favorite coffee! Smoothie King has two locations on campus (the Student Union and RWC), both of which serve an array of healthy, filling smoothies and snacks to power you through the week! But be careful in your choice, and stick to the smoothies made with stevia sweetener (for less sugar), healthy fruits, and low-fat milk/milk substitutes. Pro Tip: Visit either location on Fridays to get a medium smoothie for just five dollars! Treating yo self without breaking the bank? Sounds good to me!

Take a Yoga Class

I cannot stress enough the importance of exercise during Finals Week. Doing so lets you re-focus your mind, release endorphins, spend time with friends, and simply feel good about yourself (even after a rough exam)! The UCF Recreation and Wellness Center offers an array of group exercise classes during finals week, including fun yoga sessions!

Make sure to pre-register on the RWC website to secure your spot. The full schedule is listed here: http://rwc.sdes.ucf.edu/files/262?type=.pdf

Find a Good Study Spot

Which, given our GORGEOUS campus, isn't hard at all! The library and Student Union are obvious choices for many study sessions, but the inside lighting isn't all that good for your eyes. Trust me and my bad eyesight on this one.

Instead, take a break from the AC and crowded tables for some outside studying! A lot of spots around campus are even Wifi-accessible, but sadly don't include outlets (*cry*). Some of my picks for outside studying include:

• The patio outside the second-floor of the RWC.
• The chairs and awnings in front of CFE Arena.
• The shady garden by the Burnett Honors College.
• The tables outside the Student Union.
• The UCF Reflection Pond lawn.
• The UCF Breezeway tables and sofas.

Try a Relaxation Station

I first discovered this secret resource while walking through the UCF Wellness and Health Promotion office one day after working out. It confused me how a chair could relax someone, but then I did some research. According to the UCF WHPS website, Relaxation Stations use "the HeartMath Inner Balance™ App and sensor with any iOS device." They can help you:

• Be less reactive, think clearly and make good decisions
• Improve health, stamina and well-being
• Maintain personal balance and avoid stress and burnout
• Maximize creativity and innovation
• Boost performance and overall intelligence
• And other sweets benefits!

Want to try it yourself? Find a campus station near you!

Above all, I want to end by saying that I believe in EACH of you! UCF grows us to be BIG thinkers, dreamers, and doers capable of anything. Remember this truth as you enter Finals Week, graduate, and live life. You are able to do anything and more when you trust yourself! 

As always: CHARGE ON!

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!

Check back each week for a new blog on social media tips, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

JOIN ME: 

Instagram: @maddielill

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

Snapchat: @Heyitsmaddie97

CONTACT ME!

~Beyond Words~

Grow Your Glutes: Easy Lower Body Workouts!

I get it: starting a workout routine is hard. We all experience 'gymtimidation' the first time we step inside a gym. Personally, I had no clue what machines to use, how to train my muscles, or even what my purpose was in being there. All I knew was that I had to do something. Months later, I still don't have it all together. Every day presents a new challenge, but more importantly, a chance to try new things. Especially lower body things!

Call me a stereotypical girl, but I absolutely love doing lower body workouts. The days I isolate these muscles are when I experience the most sweat (and sweet soreness the day after!). The results are vv nice, too ;) And now, I am going to share my favorite lower body workouts with you!

Glute Workouts

For my workout newbies, glute is the shorthand for gluteus maximus, aka your BOOTYYY. I typically mix 3-4 glutes exercises with either hamstring or quadricep exercises (meaning that I train glutes two days/week). Here are my faves:

• Squats (3 sets of 15 reps): This exercise is SO simple yet SO effective. There is also many variations of the squat, including:

-Sumo Squat: aka a wide-stance squat. I like to add intensity by holding a dumbbell as I go up and down. BURNS SO GOOD! 

-Barbell Squat: Pretty self-explanatory, but these are done with a barbell positioned on your shoulders. You can either do it with an actual barbell, or by using the squat cage. 

-Dumbbell Squat: As you can see, some exercises are pretty clear. This exercise requires the person to hold a dumbbell in each hand as they squat.

-Landmine Squat: This squat utilizes the landmine bar, which is just a huge bar that you lift up and down as you squat. 

• Glutes Machine (3 sets of 10 reps, each leg): This thing is kinda awkward at first, but it has easily become one of my favorite glute machines.

The movement in this requires you to push your foot back against a bar, lifting it, while you lay face down. My tip for this machine is to squeeze your glutes at the top for maximum burn. 

• Cable Kickbacks (3 sets of 10 reps, each leg): In this exercise, you have a cable attached to one foot and attempt to raise it while keeping the other firmly planted on the ground.

It helps to hold on to the cable machine if you have bad balance like me, OR you can actually use the Smith Machine do something called a Single Leg Donkey Kickback!

• Barbell Glutes Bridge (3 sets of 12-15 reps): Before starting this, make sure you are using a yoga mat. With this exercise you are laying on your back on the mat and bending your knees at a 90-degree angle. Now, with a barbell (or no barbell, up to you!), push through your heels and lift your hips to form a straight line from your knees to your shoulders.

Essentially, you are doing a thrusting motion. But ignore the fears of looking weird, because this exercise is AMAZING!

Quadriceps Workouts

Before I share the workouts, I want you all to know where these muscles are located. The human body has four quadriceps on each leg. What I love most about working quads is that often these exercises also work your glutes. So if ya wants some noooice quads and glutes, try these out:

• SQUATS! Nuff said. 
• Leg Extensions (3 sets of 12 reps): This machine is a good one for beginners. You basically sit on a chair with your shins resting behind a padded bar, select a resistance, and lift the bar by squeezing your quad muscles.

It's super important here to NOT KICK YOUR LEGS! Doing so may cause injury, and also takes the burn out. Instead, aim for a steady motion going up and down, and hold the lift for a few seconds to ensure optimal burn

• Leg Press (3 sets of 12 reps): This exercise can look different ways, just like squats, but the basic motion is the same. You start sitting against a chair with your feet propped in front against a plate and knees bent at 90 degrees.

Then, you slowly push against the plate until your legs are no longer bent (BUT DON'T LOCK YOUR KNEES!), and return to starting position. This exercise can be done:

• With feet in frog position: This means that your feet are pointed outwards. By doing so, you are actually working more of your outer glutes.
• With an incline leg press machine: Where the machine is, well, inclined. But if having a giant metal plate above you sounds scary, then try..
• A seated leg press machine: Where you are sitting upright. 
• Barbell/No Barbell Walking Lunges (15 reps each way, 30 total) : This one is common, but very effective. You simply do walking lunges with or without a barbell resting on your shoulders.

If my description above was confusing, I basically lunge 15 times one way, turn around, rest, and lunge 15 more the other way.

Hamstring Workouts

Get your Thanksgiving decorations out: IT'S HAMMY TIME! Your hamstrings are located below your butt, aka the back thighs. Gotta be honest, I was SO clueless on how to work my hams at first. It seemed like nothing ever worked. That is, until I discovered these amazing workouts:

• Lying Leg Curl (3 sets of 12 reps): This. Exercise. Is. FIRRREEE. But it is SO simple! To do this, you lay face down on the leg curl machine with your calves firmly pressed underneath the leg pads.

With the appropriate weight and angle of rotation set, slowly curl your legs up, hold the position, and lower back down. 

• Romanian Deadlift with Barbell (3 sets of 12 reps): It's a funny name, but a great exercise. In this one, you stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, knees relax, and bend over (basically sticking your bootaaay out) until you feel a burn in your hamstrings/back of legs.

In this exercise, it's key that you keep your shoulders back as you bend. If using a barbell, you will hold it close to your body in front of you while bending. 

• Bench Hamstring Curls (3 sets of 10 reps each leg): I literally just realized while writing this that I called this exercise a wrong name. lols. But ANYWAYS, this is honestly one of the best ways to burn your hammies, and best part: IT USES NO WEIGHTS! 

I recommend watching the linked video to get this movement, but essentially you lay down in front of a bench with one foot on the edge of the bench. Then, you use that foot to push up until your body is straight from knees to shoulders, hold, and repeat.

• Single Leg Deadlift (3 sets of 12 reps each leg): Woooowie, this burns so good guys. Trust me. Here's what you do: start in a standing position with a weight in one hand, then slowly let the weight lean your body over lifting the leg on the SAME side as the hand holding the weight.

Your body should be parallel to the floor, with one foot planted on the ground. Return to start, and repeat. Now, if you have the worst balance like me, I actually do this exercise holding onto the smith machine bar. This allows me to retain form without falling on my face and looking like a fooooool. 

Well guys, that was it! I really hope this was helpful for you to start building your own fire workouts! If you ever want me to do more fitness blogs, PLEASE send me a DM!

---

I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!

Check back each week for a new blog on social media tips, life, food and more. Oh, and of course...

JOIN ME: 

Instagram: @maddielill

Twitter: @Hey_ItsMaddie31

Snapchat: @Heyitsmaddie97

EAT WITH ME:

Instagram Pizza Blog: @everythingandthecrust

Facebook: Everything and the Crust

 

CONTACT ME!

~Beyond Words~

How I Stay Healthy AND Eat Pizza Every Week!

If you've known me for any amount of time, you know that I am IN LOVE with pizza! I love it so much that I created my own pizza blog called Everything and the Crust. I also love it because it is cheap, delicious, and easy; which are three attributes essential to the #collegediet. But this heaven on a metal pan has one major downside:

It isn't all too healthy. 

A typical pizza comes loaded with fat, unhealthy carbohydrates, high sodium, and other dietary evils. It is also a high-calorie food. Despite these facts, countless UCF students flock to the on-campus Domino's, seeking their cheesy respite from the stresses of life and unknowingly pursuing the "Freshmen 15" in the process.

I know this because I am one of those Cheese-aholics. Crust Crazies. Dough-vout Followers. But I still stay healthy while eating pizza!

How do I accomplish this? Today, I am sharing my secret on how YOU can stay healthy while eating pizza (or any other unhealthy food!). It's really quite simple:

1. Create a consistent workout routine
2. Portion out your cheat meals. 
3. Pick one or two cheat days/meals a week.
4.  Find ways to ‘health-up’ your cheat meal. 
5. BE HAPPY with your eating! 

My first secret is honestly the most important one to remember when eating unhealthy foods: create a consistent workout routine. Doing so allows you to offset the side effects of unhealthy foods, and even surpass them if you exercise more than you eat unhealthy.  

I usually work out 5-6 days a week, and strategically eat unhealthy on my rest days (because when I rest, ALL parts of me rest). If you need some tips for creating a workout routine, feel free to contact me!

My second tip is something we’ve all heard at some point in our lives: “Portion sizes matter.” But it is so true! If you’re gonna cheat, try your best to control how much cheat is going on. For example, my typical limit for pizza is 1-3 slices. Being honest, I think even 3 slices is a lot for one person, but sometimes the food monster in me gets HANGRY y’all!

As you eat, just be mindful of the macros and calories that your body is getting. Know your limits, and (try to) stick to them!

My third tip goes hand-in-hand with the previous one, because portions truly don't matter if you eat pizza seven days a week. In fact, containing your cheats to certain days/meals even goes along with a workout routine. As I said, my cheat days are usually also my rest days, and specifically occur at dinner time.

Having a pizza blog has also helped me tremendously in setting cheat limits! Each week, I set aside a night to blog (and cheat). That one night is the only time I eat pizza, and it gives me an excuse to try new places, which is a win-win!

By setting constant days or times, you give yourself something to look forward to and don't allow your favorite pizza, burger, or pasta to impact your health goals. 

But do all of these tips matter if you hate your eating habits? If your mental health is impacted by your physical health?

N-O-P-E.

It was hard for me to learn that eating should make you happy, and I suffered some major health setbacks as a result. Food at it's core is meant to nourish your body, but it should also nourish your mind and spirit.

This is the key to healthy living: finding a balance of healthy and unhealthy foods that you ENJOY, and that fit your needs and schedule. 

I hope you enjoyed these tips! Make sure to check each week for a new blog, get to know me on social media,  and most of all: HAVE FUN with your fit! 

Until next week, keep living your story ❤️

5 Ways to Get Involved as a Freshman at UCF!

Happy Friday, everyone!

The other day, I had someone message me on Instagram asking how they could get involved at UCF when they start in the fall. This question is simple to ask, but is honestly SO HARD to answer.

Why? Because there are countless ways to get involved at this amazing school!

Each student has a different involvement journey that is shaped by their unique personalities, interests, and career goals. BUT, there are some common places to start for all new students who feel lost.

Looking back on my years here, I've compiled my top five ways to get involved as a new student. Read them, enjoy them, but most importantly, USE them to create your own path: 

1. Attend EVERYTHING the first week of classes! 

   Each year, the UCF Office of First Year Experience hosts an amazing event called "Pegasus Palooza." This is UCF's official welcome week; filled with tons of events to inform, entertain, and engage new UCF students.
   
   I was honored this past fall to serve as the Marketing Coordinator, where I spent countless hours posting on social media, tabling at student orientations, and communicating with campus partners to make sure ALL students felt excited about this event.
   
   This week was instrumental for my involvement journey as a freshman. In fact, I even volunteered at the events, despite it being my first week on campus. If you are a new student, I HIGHLY encourage you to attend as many of the events as you can, including KoRT's Opening Knight, which is a huge club showcase that happens each year. And if you're feeling extra brave, try volunteering like I did! It's a great way to meet people (and score free food).
    

2. Join an Agency in the Office of Student Involvement (OSI)

   If you attend ANY event at UCF, chances are it is hosted by an agency in OSI.
   
   This office is responsible for major events like UCF Homecoming, Knight-Thon, Knights Give Back, Mr. and Miss UCF, Knightfest, and more. There is also OSI Creative Services, which is comprised of student graphic designers, DJs, videographers, and other creatives who lend their services to different OSI agencies and campus departments.
   
   Students can volunteer with an agency, and even work their way up to be a director! This is what I did: starting out as a marketing volunteer, then Communications Intern, and now serve as the director of OSI Black & Gold Studios. The directors and OSI Creative Services positions are also PAID opportunities. The lesson here: involvement can be a fun AND lucrative experience!
    

3. Make Friends in your Housing Community

   One of the best things about UCF is their on-campus housing. If you are a shy person, this is the EASIEST way to get involved early on. A lot of the housing communities are strategically created so that students can meet each other.
   
   I lived in Libra my freshman year, and still remember staying up until 2 a.m. talking with my floormates! We went to events together, ate together, and even studied together.
   
   The housing communities also plan events specific to that community, which is an invaluable way to meet others outside your room or floor. Making friends my first year helped me feel less alone, and also made picking classes and getting involved across campus easier. 
    

4. Make KnightConnect your BFF

   If you're new, you are probably asking yourself, "What the heck is KnightConnect?" Here's your answer: it is an involvement LIFESAVER.
   
   KnightConnect is a website built exclusively for UCF students to get involved. After signing in with your UCF NID and password, you have unlimited access to all 600+ clubs, upcoming events, job applications, and more. This site also lists all of the OSI agencies, including Knights of the RoundTable (KoRT), which controls all clubs.
   
   Another resource that KoRT has is their KnightQuest consultations, where students can meet 1:1 with a trained consultant to build their involvement journey based on what they like and want to do--all for FREE!
    

5. Follow UCF (and UCF-Related Accounts) on Social Media

   If it wasn't obvious, I L O V E social media. It is such a powerful tool for sharing information, connecting with others, and distracting yourself from that paper you realllllllly don't want to write (it's #true). But it is also a great resource for getting involved!
   
   The main university accounts do an amazing job of sharing campus events and involvement opportunities for students, but I also recommend following your UCF academic college, the OSI agencies, UCF SGA, and UCF Student Union on social media. All of these accounts are catered to engaging students (and are run by students!). 

I hope that these tips were helpful for you! Feel free to comment any questions you have about UCF below. You can also follow me on social for even more UCF and me-related content!

Responsibility

We all know too well by now what occurred on February 14, 2018. In a span of mere hours, a day of giving love turned into a day of shedding blood. Too wrapped up in the business of another week, I never fully processed the magnitude of the tragedy. I wasn't a graduate of Marjory Stoneman Douglas. I grew up hours away from that entire area. On the surface, I was disconnected from it all. It had no direct impacts on my life, so why should I care? 

Days later, I got up bright and early as usual to attend church. Dressed in a worn KidLife t-shirt and armed with a piping cup of coffee in my hand, I felt ready for the message ahead. As the worship team's sound began to rumble through the walls of Live Oak Room, I entered and sat in my usual seat with my usual friends. 

Normal. Routine.

But the minute our pastor spoke, I knew this would be no normal Sunday. His message focused on the next part of our church's series, ROOTED: "Where is God in the midst of our suffering?" It was an uncanny coincidence that the question for that weekend revolved around tragedy, since our community itself was recovering from likely the worst one since Pulse. As our pastor spoke, using the story of Lazarus being raised from the dead, my hand kept on touching the large "K" on my shirt. And that's what I thought of the entire day.

Kids. Teenagers. Young Adults. What are they missing from us as leaders? 

I can't help but wonder who Nikolas had to look up to in his life. Maybe he never had someone to show him love and compassion, or maybe those persons who did were overpowered by the countless others who showed him hate and cruelty. 

I think of this, and it wrenches my heart to think that I also fail at showing love to others. That I could one day be the reason someones harms others or themselves. As tears fall down my face writing these words, I hope to leave you all with the realization that we each have one responsibility in this life:

To love. 

Before a tragedy, love without fear of rebuke. Love the unseen and unknown. Love your family, friends, enemies. Love because you know it is the right thing to do.

During a tragedy, love those who are hurting. Act as their roots in an unstable climate. Be there to comfort, to support, to persevere. Love because you know it has the power to heal.

After a tragedy, love as you were before, but with a newfound tenacity. Step back, see what went wrong, and love harder to live past it. Love because you know it can prevent an unloving cycle.

This responsibility is just two words, but it is more important than ever in a world that seems to become more broken and dark every day.

Because just maybe, your small act of love will be the reason a gun is never purchased, or a suicide is never planned. So choose love, always. 

Why Should You Care About Culture?

Recently, our nation has experienced a wave of turbulent events. It started with the hurricanes that set us all into preparation paranoia: Harvey, Irma and Maria. It continued with millions of Puerto Rican citizens seeking shelter in the United States when their own homes were deemed unlivable in the aftermath of Hurricane Maria. Leaving whole lives behind, they are now here, trying to make the best of a devastating situation. And now, our nation has experienced the worst mass shooting in U.S. history, just one year after the Pulse Nightclub shooting earned the title. We are suddenly short 59 beautiful, priceless lives. We are astounded by the violence that seems to have no end. But as history proves, we can and will move on. Hopefully to an end much brighter than it currently seems. 

In light of these events, I wanted to focus this post on an aspect of communication that is seldom thought of, but incredibly important: culture. 

Now, what exactly is culture? There are many definitions for this one term. One such from Merriam Webster defines culture as “the set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution or organization.” Culture is also defined as “the integrated pattern of human knowledge, belief, and behavior that depends upon the capacity for learning and transmitting knowledge to succeeding generations.” 

Through each of these definitions, we see the immense power culture has in our lives. It pervades everything. 

The food you like to eat. The type of clothes you wear. How you navigate romantic relationships. What education you receive. The shows your parents allowed you to watch as a kid. Everything involves culture to some extent, especially in conflict.

I want you to take away three things about conflict and culture:

1. Culture can be a source of conflict.
2. Culture determines the way we act in a conflict.
3. Culture can help resolve a conflict.

If culture is something that is shared, how can it be a source of conflict? The answer comes when two different cultures meet. For instance, the United States is a highly individualistic culture. We are encouraged to challenge authority and seek new ideas. Persuasive and specific language is preferred over one that is imaginative and interpretive. In the conflict realm, a direct and competitive approach is more likely than accommodation or collaboration.  

When a person from this culture interacts with someone from a collectivistic one (which emphasizes conflict accommodation, authority obedience, less emotion, and other opposite behaviors), conflict is likely to ensue.

At UCF, for example, a global student from Asia (which is highly collectivistic) is less likely to ask questions in class, even if they don’t understand the material. This could cause a conflict between professor and student when the student’s grades start to suffer as a result. On the outside, the conflict is over the student’s poor academic performance. Yet on the inside, a clash of cultures is the true cause. So here’s the point: culture can both cause and perpetuate conflict.

Next, I want you to remember that culture determines the way we act in a conflict. We each have a cultural lens that distorts our perceptions of a conflict. This lens creates perceptions of ourselves, the other person and the relationship.

Let’s say, for example, that a boss constantly asks his assistant (who is from a collectivistic culture) to do tasks for him. Since he is a from an individualistic culture, the boss’s cultural lens causes him to perceive himself in an elevated power role, the assistant in a subordinate one, and the relationship as one of domination-acquiescence. Meanwhile, the assistant sees herself in a lower position and the boss as her superior. Since hierarchy preservation is important in collectivistic culture, the assistant obliges to her boss’ demands in a positive way. A conflict in her mind is caused by not obeying. Meanwhile, people from individualistic cultures view resistance to authority as a way for idea exploration and conflict resolution.

It is always important to think about how your cultural lens guides the conflict decisions you make. However, it is equally as important to recognize the cultural lenses of others. By doing so, you can gauge what moves will (and will not) be effective in resolving a conflict. 

This leads me to my final point: culture can help resolve a conflict. A huge part of conflict resolution involves listening. Specifically, something called mediative listening. This practice involves listening to someone for the purpose of understanding them. All too often we listen without analysis. This practice takes listening to a deeper level that, when it is done correctly, actually has the power to resolve (mediate) a conflict. 

Unless you’re a world traveler, very few people understand cultures outside of their own. We know that they exist, sure. But do we ever take time to learn about and appreciate them? One thing I’ve learned from attending a diverse school is that culture is a beautiful thing, and when you learn about new ones, it has the power to permanently change you.

I will never forget the time that I decided to attend a workshop on “Stereotypes in Islam.” I entered the workshop piqued by the promise of free pizza (which is an irresistible offer for a pizza lover like me). I left it with a renewed mindset, and an appetite not for pizza, but for learning. I had always thought that women wore hijab because they were valued less than men. Yet through the workshop, it was revealed that women are actually valued more than men. In fact, hijab is a fashion decision chosen by women in the United States; not forced on them as I believed. 

Even though this is a small example, it illustrates a large truth: Cultural exploration allows us to widen our perspectives. As a result, we can approach conflict situations with a broader understanding of each involved party. Just one taste of a new culture leads to a never-ending appetite for hearing the stories of others; engaging in the mediative listening that ends conflict.

Take these lessons to heart as you navigate life. Our nation is only growing more diverse. By growing with it, tragedies like Las Vegas and Pulse will not only be prevented: they will be history.  

Building a Love Language that Lasts

Two years. 

Today, I celebrate two years with the first and only guy I’ve ever loved. It is amazing to realize that fact. I never expected love to happen, but in all honesty, do we ever expect love? It is a spontaneous phenomenon. When love hits, our lives change, and our hearts grow bigger than ever imagined. We encounter new and exciting feelings: 

The racing of a heart during that first kiss.

The feeling of warm hands grasping your own.

The rush of blood to your face when they smile. 

Like so many others, these feelings hit us the hardest in the beginning. 'The honeymoon stage,' as the cliche goes. The feelings fade in time as our significant other becomes a regular part of life. Once this happens, what is left to keep a connection growing when normalcy takes over?

Love language. 

Having a love language doesn’t mean that we speak to each other in Shakespearean sonnets. It also doesn’t mean showering each other with gifts (although gifts are sweet, let’s be honest).

Love language means a constant, conscious dialogue. It means communicative actions that connect with your spouse and aim to understand them deeper. Like fuel to a fire, love language keeps a relationship steady when the first sparks fade.

But how do you even build a love language? While the process is unique to every couple, here a few essential elements to include in building a strong love language:

1. Always differentiate between positions and interests when a conflict arises.

As humans, we are culprits of falling into the 'He said, She said' trap during a conflict. Example: it is a weeknight, and you decide to go out with your friends after work. Your partner expresses that they want you to stay with them instead. Just like that, you create a conflict.

Most couples will never move past this point, choosing to assert their different positions in the hopes that one side will eventually concede. Positions move to assumptions, which move to name-calling, which move to an intractable conflict that leaves each partner feeling bitter and resentful over something that wasn’t even the original problem. Instead, handle a conflict this way: move past a person's positions (the what), and find their interests (the why).

Maybe the spouse from the previous example didn’t want his/her partner to go out because they hadn’t seen the other much, or even had a stressful day at work that they wanted to vent over. The bottom line is that interests are negotiable, positions aren't. Considering interests in your love language can save both you and your partner unnecessary stress over conflicts that shouldn’t happen in the first place. 

2. Throw some thankfulness into each day.

We are human. We are prone to anger, sadness, stress, and other negative emotions, and subsequently projecting them onto those we love.

For a while, my mind had this not-fun trend of going into nightly mood swings. A giant storm cloud would swirl through my head as I became sad for no apparent reason. More often than not, my boyfriend was the unfortunate receiver of these mood swings. But he would take them with grace and understanding; behaviors that would go unnoticed by me. It wasn't until weeks later that I recognized one major element missing from our love language: thankfulness.

Do you actively find something to be thankful for in your partner each day? Or are you too focused on yourself to notice? I found these questions to be a real struggle for me, so I decided to do something about it. Each day, I would write down one thing I was thankful for. Sometimes it was as simple as picking up food or cheering me up, but the meaning behind each action was the same. As my list grew, so did the gratitude in our love language.

Now, I'm not saying that you need to create a list. The point here is that you simply need to express thankfulness to your partner. By doing so, you'll be able to speak grace in even the roughest moments. 

3. Have a healthy balance of partner dependence and independence.

When couples are in the honeymoon stage, all they usually think about is the other. There is no such thing as 'healthy separation' because the relationship is still new and, in a way, needs the proximity for it to grow. However, this shouldn't be the permanent case. We are individuals at heart. As such, a love language should embrace acquiescence and independence equally. 

Communication research speaks about two orientations in family dynamics: conversation and conformity. Conversation refers to the sharing of ideas, embracing hierarchial flexibility, and encouraging independent pursuits. On the other hand, conformity stresses adherence to family beliefs, morals, and attitudes.

While mainly applicable to families, I think these orientations also have a place in relationships. We want our partners to be like us on some level: doing the same things, believing what we believe. Psychologically, it just feels right. However, we also want our partners to help us grow. Growth can only happen when your love language encourages it, and that means having the guts to say, "Follow your dreams, and if you need help along the way, I'll be there." 

In summary, if love language is the core of relationship growth, what does yours speak?

My challenge to you: pause, and take a moment to listen. If it doesn't sound right, use what you've learned today and take those next steps to building one. Together. 

A Communication Dilemma of Irma-Proportions

Last weekend, millions of Floridians wiped store shelves of water and batteries, boarded up windows, filled sandbags, and charged phones to prepare for the first hit of hurricane season: Irma.

It was a scary time for many. Even the hurricane veterans among us felt worried as Irma’s heavy winds and rain swept up the state, bringing flash flooding and tornadoes with her. Some sought solace from the storm in local shelters. Others chose to “hunker down” with friends and family in their own homes. Thousands fled to states like Georgia and Tennessee, only to return and see the destruction Irma had left in their communities. 

About 15 million people were left without power in Florida, according to Duke Energy. Those lucky to have generators were able to minimize the impact, but many had to survive for almost a week without power. 

What I find funny is how the society phrases the dilemma: “survive without power.” As if power is necessary to survival, even though humans have flourished for centuries without it; as if the loss was worse than the actual hurricane itself. 

In the days after Irma, I saw a disheartening truth: technology handicaps us. 

It’s hard to admit. I know, even I don’t want to believe it. As I walked through Publix the other day, a table up front was set up with a surge protector. People filled every chair charging their phones, not saying a word to each other, consumed by the small screen in front of them. 

This is our handicap. 

Admittedly, technology can help with communication in many instances. Talking with a loved one in another state, for example. Technology also aids in crisis communication. By dialing three numbers, emergency responders can provide help in minutes. Text alerts also allow thousands of students to hear pertinent campus information instantly. 

But for all its good, what has technology stolen from us? 

The answer: genuine communication.

Research has described the ideal way to communicate, known as a “confirming communication climate.” This construct consists of recognition, acknowledgment, and endorsement. Recognition means to notice someone; acknowledgment to see their ideas and feelings, and endorsement to truly agree with them.

At each layer, the connection between people deepens, and the potential for bond development increases. But when technology enters the climate, even simple recognition is ripped away, just like a hurricane. We divert our attention away from the person, and towards the digital world in our hands. As a result, the speaker feels unvalued. We lose genuine communication. Technology leaves its category five destruction in what used to be a perfect, blue-skied communication climate. 

I notice this trend all too much. At restaurants, children and parents alike sit at the table in silence. Necks tilted, faces illuminated. The only sign of life is an occasional comment about how many likes an Instagram post got, a new Tasty recipe to try out, or a high score in solitaire. For hours, my friends and I will hang out without saying a word. Even my grandparents and great aunt, who just got their first smartphones, assume the tilted-head pose around each other. 

The key to fixing this is simple: put the technology away.

If you’re at work, stow it in a desk or briefcase.
If you’re at dinner, put in your purse or car.
If you’re in any situation that involves conversation, put it away.

Eventually, that handicap will cease to exist. You will understand others on a deeper level. You will no longer tie yourself to the nearest wall outlet or aux cord. Instead, you will reach the hearts of others. And nothing, not even a hurricane, will destroy the climate you’ve created.