You might be wondering: why? Like what has spurred this girl to randomly talk about herself?
The funny answer is that I’m bored in the forest and crave contact that’s not mosquitos or frogs. The true answer is that I’ve been down on myself recently for hiding who I really am, and so in true Maddie-fashion, I decided to rectify this issue by being honest with all of you.
Here goes nothing:
#1 I can’t stand feeling inadequate.
Because I like to believe that I’m superwoman. And when life kicks me in the butt and takes my cape, I realize that I’m not. None of us are. Living up to unrealistic standards only leaves me sad, not successful. True power comes from being boss at your own thing and not someone else’s.
#2 Orlando will always be my home
It’s been my city forever (minus that one time I was born in Fairfax, VA). This is the place where my parents met and went to school (hint: CHARGE ON), where my brother was born, where I’ve spent countless Not-White Christmases, and now where I go to college. I choose Orlando because of its thriving, diverse heartbeat. No matter what, it will always be my home.
#3 I SUCK at remembering birthdays
Or anniversaries. Or meetings. Or basically anything with a date that I need to remember. To anyone who’s been a victim of this painful truth, I am so so so so sorry. You have every right to berate me, honestly. Life without my agenda, Facebook and Apple Calendar would vv sad. Let’s just say that.
#4 I also suck at loving myself
High school was when the self-hate hit me hard. Looking at the bodies and personalities of my female classmates caused me to compare and doubt my worth. As many of you already know, this dangerous cycle led me to anorexia. It took months of tears, gripping conversations, and therapy before I mostly recovered. I say mostly because this is something I still struggle with; the idea of self-love. What helps me get through my down moments is my amazing Savior, who reminds me that there is beauty in the brokenness of my body. Always.
#5 Pizza is my life food
Switching from eating disorders to eating food? Most definitely! Pizza is something I could talk about (and eat) all day. Here’s why: it’s because of my unhealthy consumption of pizza that I overcome my anorexia. Sadly I can’t eat it that much anymore since I’m not, ya know, 99 pounds, but the memories remain. Pizza also has a special place in my ❤️ because it’s a food my boyfriend, TJ and I both L O V E. About 90% of our dates involved eating pizza, and when he’s not around next year, I can eat it and feel like he’s there, letting me eat his leftover crust pieces.
#6 My life isn’t actually purple
If you follow me on Insta, you’ll understand why I said this. My entire grid theme highlights the color purple and makes my life look all glamorous, as do filters on anyone else’s account. But honey, that just ain’t real! I use filters because my grid is a visual resume for potential employers. It’s not meant to paint an unrealistic picture of my life. Your Instagram shouldn’t, either. Be honest. Be true. Be you!!
#7 I wear contacts because I was bullied
Four-eyed freak: the phrase that haunted me year after year as a child. I grew up with glasses and my classmates knew it. Coupled with puberty pudginess and acne, my glasses were the only thing needed to label me as a nerd. Loser. Weirdo.
I end with this truth because it hurt so. dang. much. It was a label that followed me up to high school. It was why I never went on dates and became so obsessed with how I looked and what others thought of me. The sad part is, I doubt any kid who called me that understood the lasting consequences of their actions. Getting contacts could never let me see past what I was labeled.
So for any person who feels the same as I did—you are not alone. You are worth more than the label given to you because there is only one that matters: Child of God.
I hope you enjoyed my latest blog post!
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~Beyond Words~